From Citizen to Tourist: The Anxiety of Returning to India

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1.) Civic Sense Deficit: The Struggle to Reason

Around 10 pm at night, I was driving my car through an intersection when I came across a young man in his early 20s sitting on his stationary bike. He was chatting with two friends who were standing by his side, blocking both ways of the intersection. As I would in the US, I stopped a few feet behind them and waited for about 30 seconds as a courtesy before giving a mild horn. Although they were aware of my presence, they chose to ignore me.

When his friends asked the young man to move his bike, he responded aggressively by saying, “He can wait!” and rolled up his sleeves slowly. I waited a little longer, but he still wouldn’t budge. This upset me a bit, so I asked, “Are you going to move your bike now?
What will you do if I don’t?” He responded in sheer aggression, prepared to engage in a physical fight.
At that moment, I knew that if I responded, I’d be a pulp! I had to sit back and wait out until his ego was massaged enough to give me the way on his own terms. The most astounding fact was that all of this happened in the presence of the law! A police jeep was only a few steps away, yet the young man had no fear of the law.

2.) The Odds of Survival in an Emergency

During my breakup and stock market loss, I suffered from anxiety attacks. An anxiety attack has all the symptoms of a heart attack, and it landed me in the hospital emergency room several times. The best part? The ambulance, along with the paramedics and cops, was at my doorstep within 3-5 minutes. Even if I passed out during this time, they had my GPS/address location. And boy, were they equipped! They even had an ax to cut through the door or other hurdles if necessary! I had kept the emergency 911 number on speed dial on my phone, and there was a trust built over time through my recurrent experiences that I would be safe hands, even if I passed out..

However, I have never felt confident in my safety in India. If somehow, anyhow, you (or the ambulance) could cut through the chaotic and reckless traffic to reach the hospital, proper admission without red tape or enough resources/amenities/equipment was never guaranteed. I personally have seen or heard of many deaths due to the lack of speedy transportation, roads, medical facilities, or even staff. The infrastructure is simply not there, except maybe in well-to-do areas, but the majority of the country still lacks it. This lack of trust extends beyond emergencies to terminal situations such as cancer and surgeries.

A couple of years ago, I was on my yearly vacation to my hometown in India during the time of Muharram. There was a Muharram procession late at night around 2 am through my street, with ear-deafening sound and a thunderous bass played under my neighbor’s house who was a 65-year-old man with a heart condition. The man watched the procession from his balcony for a few minutes before feeling restless and returning to bed. An hour later, he was down on the floor complaining of chest pain. His family took him to the nearest hospital, who just injected him with a blood thinner medication and referred him to a nearby city with better medical facilities. The city was about 35 km away, and it took them an hour to reach the hospital. By then, the condition had worsened, and even they couldn’t do much and referred him to another city with even more advanced facilities. This city was 90 km away, and it took another 2 hours to reach there. The condition worsened even further, and even the medical team of this city couldn’t do anything and referred him to Apollo in Delhi. Delhi was 4 hours away. By the time these folks reached Delhi, the old man was dead!

3.) The Wild West of Driving

The lack of traffic sense among most Indians is alarming. Traffic rules are taken for granted and there is a lack of traffic infrastructure. Red signals are for namesake, and riding a bike is particularly dangerous. Hit and run cases are all too common, and broken bones are not uncommon. One of my friends was hit by a car while riding a scooty, and the driver fled the scene. She had to pay for her medical expenses out of pocket after sustaining a fractured bone. I asked her if she sued that man. She laughed at me hysterically.

I have also been hit multiple times while riding a bike or scooter in India, as vehicles seem to appear out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. On one occasion, I was sitting in the passenger seat of my friend’s car and fastened my seatbelt when he started driving. He looked at me and exclaimed with disgust, “Are you out of your mind? Everyone will laugh at us if they see us wearing seatbelts!” The chaotic traffic in India makes driving or riding extremely unreliable and treacherous.

4.) The High Cost of Conflict

If I’m out on a late-night date with a girl, the possibility of encountering rowdy drunkards who might harass us or make lewd comments, especially in secluded places, crosses my mind. In such a situation, should I act tough and retaliate, risking becoming another victim like the Delhi gang-rape victim in the Nirbhaya case? Or should I chicken out and face the embarrassment in front of my girl, unable to defend or protect her, using the excuse “But baby, they were 10…”? Even if I were physically strong, would it be rational to engage in an altercation with potentially armed and habitual offenders who have nothing to lose? It’s an embarrassingly catch-22 situation that could happen anywhere, even in the US. However, in the US, the omnipresent CCTV cameras and efficient law enforcement ensure that offenders are caught and punished. Moreover, dialing 911 guarantees help within minutes, providing a sense of safety.

5.) The Poison on Your Plate

Adulteration is so rampant in India that I wonder if the glass of juice I just enjoyed was actually juice or a cocktail of some banned chemicals! You must have heard of vendors using deadly chemicals to ripen bananas or injecting colors and saccharin into watermelons. They even make lettuce from wax, and ghee from dead animals! My adulteration tolerance was only until they mixed papaya seeds into black pepper or added water to milk, but I’m definitely not up for synthetic milk made from detergent or ghee made from an animal carcass! I’m glad my mom made ghee at home. Even if the products are not adulterated, the pesticide levels are so high that they could qualify the produce as a bio-weapon!

The experience came firsthand. We rented our farmland to a farmer who grew wheat. I asked him how much pesticide he used on the land (of course, being pro-organic, I was concerned with the treatment of my land). I double-checked those numbers with my friend, who was a seed and pesticide dealer. He confirmed that the quantity was four times more than recommended. Upon confronting the farmer, he had only one thing to say, “But everyone does that!

Considering the population burden and scarcity of land in India, there is a pressing need to use pesticides, but government bodies need to regulate the sale and use of pesticides like the EPA and FDA do in the US. Or at least provide the option of going organic. Being pro-organic, I always buy organic products here in the US, and almost all organic products are labeled with fine details. Most products are USDA certified with strict guidelines. I could even call the producer and inquire about the manufacturing or packaging details. The term “organic” is still considered a “fad” in India, and strict regulations are still not in place. A couple of years ago when I visited India, I was excited to see the availability of some limited organic produce, but my excitement quickly died when I called one of the farm owners in Bangalore and inquired about the organic certification process. It was certified by a private establishment due to the lack of a strict government body like the USDA here in the US, and I’m sure many of us cannot trust a private establishment. Well, I don’t.

A study by the Institute of Hotel Management, Pusa, on the safety of Delhi street food a couple of years ago found a high volume of E. Coli bacteria in the food that can cause severe infections. To make matters worse, independent studies found the presence of fecal matter in food from several well-known eateries! The concept of personal hygiene is so trivial to so many people in India, especially street vendors. No wonder I fall sick every time I eat out during my visits to India, even to this day! One bite on the street, and I’m up for a paracetamol in the night!

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